My Writings

When?

2008-07-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

In this moment I don't know,
this feeling is cold and leaves me so.
She was once warm like the sun,
she once kissed me with love.

We would drive for distance
sing for feeling
cry for love

Together we would wind
down for a nap
up for school

Our hearts were bound
like flames in the fire
tears to a feeling

When her father was gone,
she drank with her friends.
When she needed a friend,
I didn't mind stepping in.

When she would tell me she loved me,
I didn't wonder if she lied.
When she went to the movies,
I didn't usually ask why.

When I caught on the first time,
she cried and I said alright.
When I caught her the second,
she cried and she lied.

I never doubted her love,
thought she was perfect.
I gave her everything,
she didn't have to ask.

I never needed to ask for her love,
but once long ago I begged.
I feel now though, her love is gone,
split between us, now so will be I.

there's never silence

2008-06-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

sending my mind into a mesmerizing daze
playing with my eyes like a candle and a flame
taking my movements and threading them in a maze
piece by piece the puzzle unfolds like a map
to place up held by memories and Gods grace

as my pencil curses and rhymes, down the pages
on every line
my mind takes a journey flying up into the sky
fingers floating back down as my feelings glide

laying into Euphoria's Rapture
letting her take my control
living up to the metaphorical fairy-tale
leaving a trail for them to follow

the swirls of imaginations enchanting views
blinding me to the surrounding world
I'm in my own place, inside my writing
every word I write has it's own life
every page thats filled will never be forgotten in my head
is cocaine for my brain

Painted as a Scarlet Women

2008-06-15T09:25:00.001-07:00

post resemblance of past applicants
love is trembling in your abstinence
money from the market, your the target
your sexuality for hire, managed casket
victim of whom? whats the profit?

murder left her strangulated
without ears of course one cant hear
no feet no service, so much for life
absolute monarchy, which is which?
the officer smirked, no thought of church
just of her intestines tied around the sink

often remarks, what a whore
but life is life, who's to fight for what is right
a lady, a maid. a goddess, a scarlet woman
to me she's dead, but I still will pray
God is righteous? indivisible?
believe what I know, but death is death

and no one deserves to die in pain,
like the lady from my painted monarch breath...
just end us, Mother Mary my flower to Zion
take the pain of death and let it bloom scarlet to blue

What flight are we on?

2008-03-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

Song in progress... be nice... Trying out a new style. It seems bad without the music, the lyrics.. let me know of any suggestions... I'm worried

well she hit the floor, hit the floor running
running through her life, now she's running out
what a sweet blessing, at first, transformed before your eyes, Gods given earth
well heres a surprise...

Her dad left her, died by himself
lost and alone, feeling left out in the cold
well he left her, left her like himself

Momma, Momma; what should I do... Now that man is gone, who will know?
Momma, Momma, momma momma, why are you looking at me, like you do
I'm not dying yet, my life is not through
Momma, Momma, Don't give up on me, I'm still her, please help me be

Momma, Gods green given earth is reaching up for me
It wants me back, it wants me back, Oh Momma! Mamma take my hand, hold me tight
Oh Momma don't let go! Please... Please...
this world has broken me, torn me and threw me back
left high and dry, cold and sore...
Momma, why's this world so cruel to me?
Momma, why'd you let them get to me?

Tears roll down her murky cheeks, her watery eyes cry to me
well you know, every-time those tear drops hit the ground
a storm will brew up, and cry back to her
Mother natures mother's time is running out
you can hear her daughter crying for her
in the lightning scarred sky, the thunder rolling in
well those tear drops aren't for you or me... She's cryin...
Mother! Mother! Don't worry Mother! I'll protect you
I'll shield you from their harm! I wont let them get you!
Mother! . . . Mother! . . . Mother! . . . mother . . .

i don't know...

2008-02-06T16:56:00.000-08:00

last time i can remember, it was about 4 am
people walking by me, takin deep breaths like they're tryin to fly
headlights stare me down, and i turn away
the wind wispering in my ear, tellin me to move faster
as i walk the night away, i disappear into a trance
meanings start dying and thoughts keep mising their cue's

i remember long ago, when i was laying with her
she told me she'd stay with me, forever and after
where did i lose it, where did i go
it must of been somewhere deep inside cause now i'm all alone

one day while walkin alone, she came along to keep me smiling
she saw me down and wanted no more, so i caught up with her and told her more
i told her she looked beautiful, that theres no women like her
spent the rest of the night explaining why me and she should stay
i must have said somethin right, we were together till yesterday

not done yet. i don't even remember writing it...

Drinking Days

2008-01-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

an old one, i found again. reminds me of things i miss. reminds me of one of my favorite writings, that makes me sad, happy, mournful, and missing, "back to summer". first post i made on this here blog i think..

Drinking Days

I didn’t mean to be this way
drinking the days away
I never meant to be this way
fall to floor
I fall to floor
I'm slowly sinking

all those easy laughs
those lonely nights
to be alone
fall to the floor
I fell so far down
but I'm still sinking

you ask, why do you stay like this
I feel like I need this shit
continuing my crash down
to be all alone
fall to the floor
fall through the floor
I'm still sinking

all those easy laughs
those lonely nights
to be alone
everybody's hurt
turn, begin to fall
we're all faintly sinking
remember the times
you spent with me
I'll stop this night...
don’t leave me alone

Collide

2008-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I posted in here, but that doesn't mean I've stopped writing. I have gained new influences though in some aspects. more recent then I've been able to write right now.

Collide

just a word
just a lie
just a moment our hearts collide
in a flash
in a bang
in a moment our hearts will cry

I'm afraid
I'm ashamed
I'm about to abuse something
your lying
your crying
your gonna abuse my soul tonight

when we swing
we will bring
painful lights
that will shine
on our
lonely hearts

when the phone rings
it wont be you
when my soul cries
our hearts collide

on an on
lie by lie
our heartbroken lives
true by true
honestly to you
I'm gone
tonight

This Lie, My Mask

2006-09-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

This burdon I carry on my own,
brightness, darkness,
take me home
a lie too far come,
swallow me whole
chew me up...
push me alone

This darkness inviting,
a rose keeps me fighting;
the deepest holes in me are black.
My heart sore and raw,
please take me back

My eyes may seem blue
but behind is a mask,
beat me and beat me,
my eyes turning back
into the mask;
the lie looking back...
look at me, look at me,
you see...

Look at me look at me,
behind this cold mask
see a young boy,
a heart lined in black.
The infection is eating me,
eating me fast...
brightness, darkness,
please take me home...
before they take hold...

Suicide Rose

2006-08-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

a rose from a grave
pretty marking a deadly thing
she gave to me a rose
said hold on tightly, dont let go
from me to you, a suicide rose

marking the ending of this world
or sending me into the planes
of the sea's below
lying with me, the rose she gave
still holding tightly, she wont let go

nothing left for you to see
not a drip in an eye
and all I can see now
is you, my suicidal rose
standing over me

my pearly gates locked away
falling back upon the rose
if I could reverse my life
I'd never taken hold
of the suicidal rose

marked by the blood red of the blossom
thorns with razors edge
a smell so tempting it'll take your control
and as you spiril down its stem
you'll find more thorns followed by a bitter end

Blind

2006-08-23T13:58:00.000-07:00

Blind

Imprisoned in a cage
I cannot bare to escape
a man too far lost with himself
Confined from the inside out
Torturing myself
Vacant inside I crawl

tore my soul so that I fall
so hopeless that
I'm searing the knife through myself
just like a bird not so free
I cannot see outside me
my feelings flying away
leaving me cold in the ground
dirt and rocks replace the roses at graves
lies replace the mistakes I make

the darkness takes me
lower and lower
taking my soul
digging its teeth
to make me feel
make me feel the pain
that you left me

Chorus:
‘Wielding this knife
I am blind
Shred these feelings
Down to the end
They make me numb
Buried wounds bleeding’

In the tangled web of my mind
I cant find peace of thought
entwined in are painful memories
their remembrance of agony pours down on me
struggling to free them I see only you
breaking me down to the very last tear of hate
ruining myself to the end of the blade
I am the regret that leaves me
sitting alone

fading away...
your face thin...

I cant realize what’s left of me
cant I feel that its cold
the steel touches my soul
like a dog left out in the rain
pouring down the crimson regret and pain
standing here with broken teeth
sores in my mouth take my speech
am I your translation
of all those expectations
Left with sorrow and pain by my grave
shovel next to me I laid
too damn blind to see what you made for me

Chorus (x2)

Am I blind?
With the end in mind
Am I blind?

Blacklight Son

2006-08-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

expected to learn
expected to work
expected to believe
expected to die

I am a figment in the dust
I am crawling from hell to school
I am enduring all your pain
I am
I am your Blacklight Son

I am the hated
I am the disowned
I'm deleted from the soul
I am the unknown

I was hated but made
forgiven for everything
I was caged in my pain
pinned down by the thought of her
striking again

can you see me
standing here in life’s way
I am the hated
I am a Blacklight Son
don’t catch my sickness
you do not want this...

[chorus]Yell at Me
Torture Me
Feed Me your Pain
Yell at Me
Torture Me
Feed Me your Pain...
I was created
now I'm
fucked up and hated[/Chorus]

that’s when it goes
when you lose it all
bring it back to the body
bring the sight back to mind

I can not live
I can not die
I will not survive
I will not be revived

I will bleed
I will cry
don’t expect me to bleed for me
don’t expect me to bleed for me
never
jumping into lost real fast

[chorus]

Creep

2006-08-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

dont look into the fire
temptations creep
the preacher drinks the water
dreaming the heaven we seek
a man to a beast
its hell in its peak
the boy behind the man
fear is the way we weep

Fake Love

2006-08-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

breath deeply into me
drain all the blood from me
kiss me and let me go

the answer your looking for is there
stop looking
its the only way to make it

all our passions
kept from the world
left just for you and me
all our moments I adore
I love you the way you brought me through
the way you cut my throat left me there all alone

left me dying on the floor
dying from the times
dying from the heart out

my heart screams out

I love the way it used to be
I love the way you looked at me
and when I kissed you
I love the way you kissed me back...

Black Blood and Tears

2006-08-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

she cut herself
she needed help
she wanted more
than she could give
she died that night

a fateful glimpse
of what life is like
finger her hair
look in her mind
see the fate that was confined

as I burn
these love stained letters
she leaves us here
a passing glimpse
of what she was like
we tried to help
she cut herself
its all their fault
maybe mine
I should have said
I love you

Samantha (story of my life)

2006-08-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

(Samantha)
Pearly gates in my sky
deeming my thoughts wild
dazed by the beautiful sight
unknowing to the slope
I fall behind

leaving a trail of blood
tripping I fall into, a darkened
sky is trembling towards my heavens
crying I fall into the dust of
my demise, where will you be when I die

trickling down my arm
feeling I must redempt myself
losing my sense of grace
falling down from those pearly gates

(me)
is suicide a choice?
oh how badly I want to see you.
your trail of blood I follow,
leaving behind one of my own
where will I find you...
where must I go

Down by the Riverside

2006-08-09T21:14:00.000-07:00

under the bridge thats near my home
cuting myselft to the bone
the cold water streaming by...
follow the trail down to the riverside

so tired, don't let me fall to sleep
a pool of blood, I shall not repeat
holding me down,
angels with broken wings
so tired...
don't let me fall down too deep

follow the trail down to the riverside
cut myself for the last time
slipped and fell;
went down too deep
leaving myself behind..
down by the riverside

Assasination Proclamation

2006-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

Don't you know
my heart will turn
feel it running
ruining my soul

Pushing this divorce
farther and farther from marriage
moving towards the edge
pushing our son over the ledge

Don't take it too bad
just not working out
your mother and I,
We feel it’s for the best

In the end it falls apart
worn down standing with you
running tired, pausing, letting a stare
Darkness, abyss, no longer so rare

Not done yet, about my parents divorse.

Crimson and Regret

2006-08-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

The steel feels my skin,
sharp edge fleeing to my end,
blade caressing.
Releasing a line of tears,
blood accepting the razors grace;
swiftness of my weakness
crimson is all I see.
The rush of the blade is all I feel,
pain racing to my end,
blood streaming from my heart;
my voice won’t go far,
you’ll never hear,
I love you....
From me, again

Yesterdays Shadows

2006-08-09T21:11:00.000-07:00

Absorbed in thought of futures past,
I turn from coldness, it seems to last.
Blackness stirring up my heart,
running from the hope to start;
catching up I turn to you,
a deadless past clinging to.
Torn and sworn to be anew,
I can't help...
but keep running from you.

Apologies for my futures past,
cant help escape from being last
longing, turning...I look back for you.
my scolding love burns emitting fumes,
pain and sorrow thats left from you.
heart ache from the futures past,
pains that will forever last.

a speck of dust falls among,
fleeing towards what to become.
feeling loss, sorrow, and pain,
I wont forget what you made of me;
I'm sorry for the futures past,
the pains that will forever last.
among these pains I will stay,
not wanting but only
to be...away

Selfish Vacation

2006-08-09T21:10:00.000-07:00

One day
Some day
I hope to fill this need I prey
On the side
Back of my mind
can’t tell if I'll see you one more time

All is lost
But I'm not a cowader
My heart frays
may not be here another day
the wind blowing
Arms lifting to the blade
My soul is flying
All in all I'm nothing but small

All day
All night
Flowing out of me
Beneath this crimson is weak
Swimming through it is the life of me
Undue me to find my dead soul
yelling, screaming from my love for you

Minus One

2006-08-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

see you walk past my grave
now I know what I meant to you
knew there was something wrong with
those words you said
you always wanted to leave but you
couldn't walk away from me

well now your dream comes true
I take this knife to me
because love left me here to die
and die will I do

Tomorrow should be better we say
when we're crying from the pain
too bad tomorrow never comes
and we sacrifice our hearts for me demise

I guess I cant complain
it was always me
I always needed to change
sooner or later
I'm just waiting

Midnight Echoes

2006-08-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

they're closing in
please calm down
they're trying to help
help yourself
dont cut yourself
please yourself
sense the help
I'd always known you feel like this
you have never looked too well

I've, left myself behind
left myself behind
left no way to find
your the one to find
you are way too kind
you are way too fine
need to find myself, hide myself

must stop the bleeding
keep you breathing
feel the motions
that are stirring
stirr the night
with your sightless eyes
...my midnight echoes
...mine

Comming Night

2006-08-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

in my eyes you'll find vengeance
lost and ran through dreams
take it for what it's worth
run and hide from me

the man came to take another
taken away buried and branded
if you care you'd tell your mother
killer told, skinned and ran for cover

can't you see your reflection?
all bloody and wretched, dirt from the past
news ran through and told the police
you told, now you try and cover

you run more, can you hide before you die
taking for granted the lives across your eyes
painful muttering, breathing the beating
will you hide or will you give in and die

Back to Summer

2006-08-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

...these next thoughts
I write down to you
ripped up heart ache
buried through and through...

whats to come
more scars to be
nights of black agony
mazes of days to a mesmerizing gaze

teenage years of broken trust
nights of learning how to lust
shooting up, loosing focus
red eyes, coma, throwing up

exit door lost in stare
where to loose it
who will dare
mindless matter under up
coming down, coma truck

heat wave burning
sweating and murmuring
looking for a cloudy door
nothing but a music store

teenage years of broken trust
nights of learning how to lust
shooting up, loosing focus
red eyes, coma, throwing up